So I know many of you have read this story via Facebook but here it is again for any new comers. The story of my dreadful trip back to London from Phuket – which I can now finally laugh at.
So people think they have bad luck. You do not know bad luck until you have met me….
so my flight was scheduled 00:15 on the 12th of Jan. which any one who has brain cells would know that’s very early on sat morning… not sat night. So there I am going to a boat show and beach sun downers with My sister and my new brother-in-law I should’ve been on a plane. I’m also the last family member left in Thailand so once I left my sister I was on my own. Talking to a mate and telling him I arrive back in London at 05:15 on the 13th and he proceeds to tell me that doesn’t make sense and I’m like “no silly because of time difference blah blah” well mean while back in the farm he was correct and I had missed my flight. Just left 7/11 with my sister and brother-in-law with a bag full of booze to go watch the sun set and then to head off to a reggae concert… until I tell them I’ve missed my flight.
I naturally have a panic attack and call my mom who replies “oh fuck”. I also wasn’t able to get a new SIM card for my phone because it is boarder blocked by Vodafone (thanks guys) so I’m depending on hotspots and random WiFi spots to connect and try sort out another flight. We decide to still go sit on the beach and try sort out a flight because on the side of the road in Phuket wasn’t the ideal place (Thai drivers are worse than SA taxi drivers…) however at that point I didn’t mine staying on the road , if you know what I mean (dramatic much). So we go to the beach and book a ticket via my sisters know who has 3% battery and quickly sends me the confirmation of RESERVATION (key word here) and the details of the flight that was due for 23:10 on the 12th due to the fact that I need to be back at work for the 13th and “I’m sorry I missed my flight” might’ve got me fired. Anyways it was 19:00 so we find a cab driver on the beach and Bargain to get to the airport for 600 baht , which is a rip off as it was only like a 20 min drive. I then say goodbye to my sister which gets the water works going again and jump into the cab as he wasn’t very patient.
I get to the airport wearing my nice summer dress and shoes and make up all over my face from crying – no one told me this, I found this out when I went to the bathroom to change. So I change, wash my face and go find somewhere to charge my phone. The time is now 20:30 and my flight check-in should be open any minute( it’s not the high advance self check in type all old school ) so I’ve put my phone into aeroplane mode so it can charge quicker (apparently that’s what the cool kids do ) so I check the board and I can go check in. Go back to my phone and turn it on, which I was so happy to receive an email from the booking agent to say my booking was CANCELLED ffffffssssssss. So I call my mom in a panic and I’m sitting on the floor crying my eyes out (I’m not a pretty crier so a lot of people left the charging station , soz guys) anyways she tells me to use this emotion to my advantage and go to the counter and just cry and say I’m alone and need help. Well you see this would be easier if the people at Phuket airport spoke English, instead I just looked like a crazy person speaking gibberish pointing at my phone. So I skip the line and just go to the counter and I am told I am not on the flight (Thanks cheapOair, more like cheap-no-air ) and I need to book another one and I have to do this online.
However I have no internet and can’t use my bank card so need to use my moms. So I call my mom and tell her this and she gets into “beast mother mode” and calls Helen (one of her besties) to come over and help her. I find WiFi, also before you ask all the airline offices in the airport were closed (bad luck you see) so I find a flight for 00:20 on the 13th (early morning Sunday for those with no brain cells like myself) and arriving london 17:30 same day.
so my mom tells me to go wait in the que for check in while I don’t even have a ticket for that flight yet, she asks me how many people in front of me and I say 11 (yes I counted) and as I send that, the payment goes through and she sends the tickets (thank fuck for my mom) I go to the desk and guess what????? my fucking bag is over weight by 4 kgs so the lady tells me I’m allowed two suitcases of 23 kg each and I should get another bag but obviously the airport didn’t doesn’t sell bags and I have no fucking money. Spent the last bit on the cab. This is when Debbie my fairy God mother saves my life and transfers some moola. I go and find a box and throw in random shit from my bag and weigh it – 6kgs! Great. Wrap that shit for 300 baht and run back to the desk where they have my passport and kept my place for me but I’m the last to check in anyways. As I’m running back all my shit falls off my trolley so I’m throwing it all back on and then grazed a few peoples ankles on the way (soz) get to the desk and give them my box and suitcase and it’s all fine and dandy.
Oh I also left out that I’ve had a case of “Thai tummy” for the past month 😂 so I’m throwing up a lot… the motion of the plane doesn’t help that at all. Anyways the first flight goes well with a few trips to the loo, then it’s an 8 hour wait in Shanghai which I take some herbal relaxing pills and pass out which I really needed. I get into the next flight which is 12 hours and I’m window seat but I found some anti-nausea meds so I should be fine. Decide to take a sleeping pill and pass out for the next 12 hours, during which I did not charge my phone (another rookie error).
So I wake up as we land and my phone is on 1% so I quickly find the cord and put it to charge for a bit and wait for everyone to get off the plane. While I do that my nausea comes back so I a run to the loo. When I come out everyone has gone except the attendants who tell me to “please get off the plane and that I can charge my phone somewhere else as they need the plane” (duh). I then can’t find my one shoe so I’m on the floor looking everywhere only to discover is wedged between the side and chair. Grab my shit and get off the plane or should I say kicked off the plane….
Get my bags and bloody box and head off to get home. I order an Uber (due to the fact I have a lot of luggage and a train journey would’ve been worse and it’s NO TROUSERS tube ride today 😂 ) with the 10% that I have and then discover I’ve lost my charging cord 😂 so I’ve written the reg and car type on my hand and I proceed to wait. I check my phone and see that the Uber has cancelled but I’ve still been charged because I didn’t go to the car in time. The car wasn’t even in the bloody airport! So I see the driver and go and ask why he cancelled and he says it was the app… so I walk off and shout “fuck Uber” very lady like of me but I honestly just had enough at this point. So I go off to WHS and buy an over priced charging cord and go to sit down at costa where I phone my mom and exhausted I just sit and cry. My mom has also been stressed over all this and tells me to suck it up and order another one, which I obviously do and phone the driver and tell him to only say he has me or he is there when I’m physically with him to avoid cancellations. I mean trying to communicate and direct this guy is another mission in its self and I’m walking up and down (turning turning turning around and all that I can see is not my Uber 🍋) … eventually I find the guy and he proceeds to tell me I wasn’t in the correct waiting area (which I was) but I wasn’t in the mood to argue so he says “well now you know for next time” and I said “there isn’t going to be a next time for a long time mate” and we get in while we decides to still show me all the signs that point to the other waiting area where I swear my eye balls literally went to the back of my head but I gave him a 5 star anyways.
Finally home after 48 hours of stress and I could not be happier to see the over flown bins in my flat share ❤️ hope you all enjoyed my shitty story 👏
Bad Luck Joe 